Squash (The Bee) Soup

Do you remember how fucking batshit insane Season 4 of RHOBH was? Let’s all just take a minute to recall: 1) Brandi making fun of Scheana’s tooth at Kyle’s dinner party, 2) LVP falling dramatically on Dancing With The Stars/the beginning of the end of her relationship with Kyle, and 3) Carlton. Fucking Carlton. Her ENTIRE PRESENCE is so uncomfortable, but I found myself unable to look away. She actually seems like she might be kind of fun to hang out with, in a “gossip in the corner at the office holiday party” situation, but she couldn’t be less alike her fellow housewives. And that brings us to the infamous Beemageddon incident.

art by Alyssa Kurtzman

Beemageddon began innocently enough, as a quick outdoor get together for our ladies who (tbqh barely) lunch. All is well until Kyle sees a bee, begs someone to kill it, and Carlton absolutely loses her mind. “We’re in the bee’s environment,” says Carlton, a woman who has almost certainly sacrificed a virgin under the Blood Moon and is almost certainly wearing leather in the aforementioned scene. The whole thing sets off an intense feud between Kyle & Carlton, culminating in this wonderful Wikipedia quote: “Gebbia once again is accused of casting spells when Kyle reveals her screensaver on her computer acted weird, which results in Kyle and Giraud de Ohoven not inviting her on the trip to Puerto Rico.” It’s truly a wonderful, whacky, wild season from tip to tail, and I highly recommend a rewatch if you’re feeling nostalgic.

Anyway, in honor of Carlton + Kyle + that curséd lunch, here’s Squash (the bee) Soup: I used Kabocha squash (aka Japanese Pumpkin), but really, any squash you’d use in a soup would do! I bet pumpkin would be great as well. And don’t skimp on the fresh granny smith apple blended in right at the end: it brightens up the whole meal, unlike our poor friend Mr. Bee.

Caramelize that squash!

RECIPE

INGREDIENTS

• 1 kabocha squash 

• 1 onion, diced

• 2 celery stalks, chopped

• 4 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 tbsp ginger, minced

• 1 tbsp soy sauce 

• 1 tbsp miso paste 

• 1 granny smith apple 

• 4 cups vegetable or chicken broth (enough to cover the veggies and then some, you don’t want it to be too thick)

ROAST THE SQUASH 
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Carefully slice open kabocha (it’s thicc), removing seeds & pulp. Cut into large chunks and place on baking sheet, drizzled with olive oil and ~1 tbsp soy sauce. Bake for ~45min - 1 hr., flipping squash pieces halfway through. Remove when squash is lightly carmelized and smells delicious. 

MAKE THE SOUP 

Coat a medium/large pot with a few glugs of olive oil, on medium-low heat. Add onions & celery and cook until softened (about 7-10 minutes). Add miso paste, ginger, and garlic, stirring for about 3 minutes. Add chicken broth and roasted squash and bring to a boil; cover and let simmer for 15-20 minutes so flavors can meld. 

Remove soup from heat and blend well. Add fresh granny smith apple, and blend again until smooth. Serve with a lemon or lime squeeze/chives/parsley/crusty bread/creme fraiche.